Instants

if i could live again my life,
in the next - i'll try,
- to make more mistakes,
i won't try to be so perfect,
i'll be more relaxed,
i'll be more full - than i am now,
in fact, i'll take fewer things seriously,
i'll be less hygenic,
i'll take more risks,
i'll take more trips,
i'll watch more sunsets,
i'll climb more mountains,
i'll swim more rivers,
i'll go to more places - i've never been,
i'll eat more ice creams and less (lime) beans,
i'll have more real problems - and less imaginary
ones,
i was one of those people who live
prudent and prolific lives -
each minute of his life,
offcourse that i had moments of joy - but,
if i could go back i'll try to have only good moments,

if you don't know - thats what life is made of,
don't lose the now!

i was one of those who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer,
without a hot-water bottle,
and without an umberella and without a parachute,

if i could live again - i will travel light,
if i could live again - i'll try to work bare feet
at the beginning of spring till
the end of autumn,
i'll ride more carts,
i'll watch more sunrises and play with more children,
if i have the life to live - but now i am 85,
- and i know that i am dying ...

Jorge Luis Borges

What we want, What we get!

"The number of students majoring in Sociology has risen to an extraordinary degree since 1955. Let me give you a few figures: in 1955 there were 30 sociology majors, in 1959 163, in 1962 there were 331, in 1963 383. Now (1968) there are 626. In view of this I should be professionally blinkered in deed If I were to tell you how wonderful it is that so many of you are studying sociology!

If you compare the expectations ambitious of students with the professions they actually later adopt, the results are even worse. For example -and this is very interesting- only % 4 of sociology students originally wanted to work at a university whereas %28 of graduates have been absorbed into higher education. In another words, the university which produces sociologist, is also their main consumer, their primary consumer. This is a situation which, making somewhat free use all the language of pscyhoanalytic theory, I have called incestuous. In my opinion this is not a diserable state of affairs. On the other hand only %4 of students originally intended to go into market and opinion reserach whereas %16 have actually entered that profession. By contrast a relatively high number -%17- wanted work in journalism, radio and television, but only %5 of graduates have found employment there. With regard to Industrial and Company Sociology, %3 wanted to adopt this profession and %4 have actually taken it up - a somewhat better ratio -."

Adorno, Theodor W.

Oldies make my day! - Ateş: Çingene Ruhum

90'lar hakkındaki düşüncelerim hala değişmedi. 80'lerin bir uzantısıdır. Ve 80'li yıllardan 2000'lere geçişte ergenlik gibi bir dönemdir. Sivilceli, kısa boylu, şişman bir ergen çocuktur 90'lar. Ne yazık ki benim ergenliğimde o yıllara denk geldi. Kabullenmeliyim bunu ki bugün hala zaman zaman kendimi dışlanmış, aldatılmış ve üzgün hissediyorsam bunun tam manasıyla sebebi o garip 10 yıllık dönemdir.

Bu dönemin ise en bi olmuş kategorisi bencileyin Türkçe Pop Müzik olmalı. Yonca Evcimik ile başlayan absurd sözlü şarkılar; Hadi Yine İyisin Tayfun, Kıl Oldum Abi Tarkan, Ortada Kuyu Var Yandan Geç Ozan gibi isimler ile devam etti. Bu isimlerin günümüzde Türk Popu'nun mihenk taşlarından sayılmasının sebebi de yine 90'lı yıllardır.

Ama kimisi var, tek şarkılıktı onların. Arkadaş ortamlarında ah neydi ya onun adı, o şarkı nasıldı bee diye beyninizi kemirir o isimler. İşte benim beynimi yiyen şarkıda bu. Aradan geçen 10küsur senede periodik aralıklarla aklıma gelir. Hatırlayamam Google olmasa.

Sevgilerimle,

Just enjoy the ride.

Lullaby for My Favorite Insomniac

Uyumak gelmiyor içimden yine.

Rüyamda korkuyorum diye.

Uykumu damıtıp şişelere dolduruyorum geceleri ve gündüzleri için misk yapıyorum. Buram buram uyku kokuyorum tüm gün, mis gibi yayılıyor etrafa korkularımın kokusu. Kokumu duyanlar esnemeye başlıyor karşımda. Yüzüme baka baka. Ve her onlar yüzüme esnediğinde biraz daha kapanıyor ruhumun kapıları.

Santa was Unavailable

bazen yazamıyorum.

şimdi de bazen.